How My Granddaughter's One Question Exposed the Habit So Many Women Over 60 Never Talk About

By Betty Harrison
4 November 2026 · 5 minute read

My Granddaughter Noticed What I'd Hidden for Years

It was supposed to be an ordinary wrapping evening.

Kitchen table, a roll of paper, the tape that never comes off the roll properly. My granddaughter was helping me write the tags. Tom. Sarah. The grandkids. The neighbours. The ladies from church.

She looked at the pile, then at me.

"Grandma, which one's yours?"

I laughed. "None of them, sweetheart. Grandmas don't need presents."

"But when did you last buy something for yourself? Just because you liked it?"

I opened my mouth to answer. And nothing came out.

"Everyone I Know Does This"

I told my friends about it the next week, expecting them to laugh. Nobody laughed.

One said the last thing she'd bought herself was a new kettle, "and that was really for the house." Another said she'd had her eye on a coat for three winters and kept telling herself next year.

Every one of us had the same answer: I can't remember.

The Quiet Rule We Grew Up With

We were raised to put everyone else first. Wanting something for yourself was a little bit selfish. Spending on yourself when someone else might need it more? Out of the question.

Nobody ever said it out loud. We just learned it. And forty years later we're still following a rule nobody gave us.

Why "Something for Me" Always Ends Up Last

There's never a reason. No birthday, no occasion, no excuse. It feels wasteful. And there's always someone who needs something more: a grandchild's school shoes, a gift for a neighbour, the church raffle.

So "me" stays at the bottom of the list. Year after year.

What I Finally Chose (and Why It Was Amber)

I didn't want something expensive. I wanted something small that was mine, that I'd see every day, and that I'd never have bought for anyone else.

I'd always loved amber. My mother had a necklace I used to hold up to the window as a girl. So when I found Margaret, a woman who has hand-polished amber for most of her life and is now selling her final collection, I didn't talk myself out of it for once.

The first parcel in years that was just for me.

The Small Things I Noticed

It's warm the moment it's on. It's so light I forget it's there. It slips over my hand, so I don't need anyone to fasten it.

And something I didn't expect: I look at it. Washing up, reading, driving. A little flash of honey and cherry on my wrist, and every time I think, that one's mine.

My Mornings Now

Coffee, the paper, ten quiet minutes before the phone starts ringing. And the bracelet goes on first thing, before anything else.

My granddaughter noticed it straight away at Sunday lunch. "Is that yours, Grandma?" Yes. Yes, it is.

The Real Cost of Always Waiting

We keep waiting for the right occasion. The right reason. The right moment when it won't feel selfish.

It doesn't come. And one day you realise you've spent decades making everyone else feel special, and never once let yourself feel it.

Two Futures

With love,
Betty

This story is presented by Margaret's Amber. Betty Harrison has partnered with Margaret's Amber to share her experience. Amber jewelry is not a medical device and is not intended to diagnose, treat or prevent any condition. Natural amber varies in color, size and inclusions, so no two pieces are identical. Lifestyle images are illustrative; the photos of Betty Harrison are real.